Saturday, February 12, 2011

.....and they lived happily ever after.

Today is the mark of thirty nine years of being married.  We laugh about it.  Thirty nine years is a heck of a long time, even in dog years.  In some cultures, it's a lifetime.  In other cultures, it is a career.

Many of my friends have asked to know "the secret" to our marriage.  My answer, there is no secret.  If there were, there would be no more divorces, no more marriage counselors, and golden anniversaries would be the norm.

I was eighteen and he was barely nineteen when we said "I do".  On that day, we had known each other for a total of five months.  I thought I would burst with the love I had for him.  I could not love him any more than I did that day, or so I thought.  I was quite wrong on that one.  I do, indeed, love him more today than that yesterday of thirty nine years ago.

Here is how I would describe our marriage.  It is kind of like a well run company.  Instead of money for capital, we had love.  Love is what runs our company called marriage.   Sounds rather simple, doesn't it?  It really is. When you love someone, that love affects how you treat each other.  It also affects decision making.  If the love runs low, problems and issues are magnified.  If the love runs high, problems and issues are just small bumps in the road.  Our wedding vows were our business plan.  We stuck to them. 

As in a well run, well capitalized business, commitment is key.  Total commitment to the plan, to the goal, to each other.  When in doubt, go to the plan.  One person cannot do it all.  Where one is weak, the other is strong.  What one can't fix, the other can. Over time, the company grows.  A well run company will increase in assets and value.  And so it is with our marriage.

It's really hard not to get all maudlin and mushy when thinking about the last four decades. I think of all of our accomplishments.  I think of our dreams that have come to fruition.  I think of every time zone and country we have made love in.  Yes, I think about those things!

At this point in our marriage and our lives, we still have goals.  We still look forward to the next adventure.  We still have dreams yet to come true.  We still have more time zones and countries to........

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Reminders of Love

I was reminded by my dad the other day.  Not reminded of, but reminded by.  I got into my car and briefly smelled my dad.  It brought a smile to my face.  It was a smell of cigarettes and whiskey.  Not an unpleasant odor by any means, even though it sounds rather icky. It is the way my dad smelled.  He smoked Camel cigarettes and loved his whiskey.  It's not that same smell of stale smoke, alcohol, and cologne you smell upon walking into an old bar.  This was my dad.  Fresh tobacco, a light scent of an American whiskey, and a smile.  Yep, that was my dad.

My car has never had cigarette smoke in it.  I haven't smoked a cigarette in over a decade.  And, no opened alcohol of any kind has been in my car.  In fact, my dad has never been in my car.  You see, he passed on quite some time ago.  Before the new VW bugs were ever designed.

I like to think of this event as a visit.  Much like the visits I have in my dreams.  Sometimes, those people I have loved who have passed on, show up in my dreams.  When I wake up after having such a dream, I have such a good feeling.  You would think I would have sadness, but I don't.  I have been visited by each and every one of those loved ones at one time or another.

These little visits are reminders of love.  Love that is not gone because someone dies.  Love that is not gone because we cannot see nor touch that person.  Just plain and pure love. Kinda makes you think, doesn't it?