Emails and texts my daughter and I have shared

The Daughter and I share emails frequently.  Yes, we live in the same town.  Yes, we talk on the phone a lot.  And yes, we see each other on a very regular basis.  But sometimes, a little story has to be sent right a way.  Here are a few actual emails and texts we have shared with each other.


2011 email:

Dear Daughter,

You know your mom, always a kitchen bomb (what I call kitchen mishaps) or something going awry at my house.  I really think this stuff does not happen to normal people.  You decide.


I keep a laundry basket in the laundry room for the dirty tea towels and such.  It takes me a while to get an amount that is load worthy.  Anyway, I scooped them up, along with a couple of aprons and tossed the load into the washer.  Pushed the magic buttons and went on with life.
Fast forward an hour.  I am getting ready to go grocery shopping and decide to throw the stuff into the dryer while I am gone.  Does that qualify as multi-tasking?  I think it does.  So, I set the green bags, my keys, and my purse down and proceed to unload the washer into the dryer.
I noticed a plastic thingy in the washer right as I opened the door.  Where did that come from?  What the heck is it?  Is my beloved trophy of a washer broken?  Are my laundry days put on hold?  I tossed it in a dish on top of the dryer and decided I'd probably figure it out later.  I had groceries to buy.  Multi-tasking is not for those of us with older folks ADD.  Off on another tangent and I'm trying to go to the grocery store. 

So, I grab a handful of laundry to toss into the dryer.  Problem is, it ALL came out in one pull, so much so, it plopped on the floor.  WTF?  You know how much I love my F bombs.  There was this brownish/tan hairy stuff wrapped all around EVERYTHING. I know long hair causes problems in the vacuum and all over the house.  But, in the washer?

I started looking at the mess.  It wasn't hair....it was thread.  Yes, thread.  Wait a minute, not just thread, but and entire, unraveled spool of thread.  Wrapped around every corner, and piece of laundry.  Do you have any idea how much thread is (was) on a spool???  It was the large spool.  It was measured in yards, not feet.  Like, 500 yards of thread.  Do the math Algebra Girl, that is over a thousand feed of thread randomly and ever so scarily wrapped and twisted around my tea towels and aprons. shit.  Mystery of the plastic thingy solved.  Good thing: washer not broken Bad thing: helluva mess to clean up.......I'll never get to the grocery store.

I went and got scissors and started to cut thread and save my beloved tea towels.  It took quite a bit of time. It gave me plenty of time to think about this mess. Who does this stuff happen to?  How did this happen?  Is it okay to laugh?  What are we having for dinner tonight.  Oh yeah, stay on task old person.  I got answers to all my questions as I picked, untwisted, cut, and tossed.  This stuff happens to me.  Who knows what the next "bomb" will be.  I'm ready for anything.  And, I know how it happened.  The sewing machine is located right next to the dryer.  Easy access for quick mending and sewing.  Handy.  When I scooped up the towels, the spool of thread was caught in the load and went into the washer.  Normal people do not sew.  Normal people do not mend.  Normal people get their mending done by me.  Laugh, hell yes I laughed.  If I cried every time I had a somewhat, self imposed, mini disaster happen, I be a mess.  So, laugh it was.  Dinner would be rotisserie chicken from the grocery store tonight.  All problems solved, mystery solved, the grocery store was still in my immediate future.  Life was again good.

When I was done, I looked in the trash can.  It looked like a wig was in the trash can.  The tea towels were saved and safely tossing in the lovely dryer and I was on my way to the grocery store.  Darn, I was going to miss Oprah today!!!!

Love,

 your mommy

Her reply:
 
Too funny!!  I am cracking up!!!!   If this didn't happen to you, it wouldve happened to me!  Oh wait, I dont have a spool of thread on hand.....


Thanks for the laugh!!


August 5, 2012  via text message:

LIZ:  Tay just asked if we changed Lindsey's name.  She said Linds told her we called her another name when she was a baby and then we changed her name to Lindsey. Get this....the name she said we used to call her was Lady Covington! I'm still cracking up!!

ME: Omg, I'm home alone, laughing so hard.

ME: I just remembered something...grandma used to call Linds, Queen, because she had a hard time remembering her name.

LIZ: Oh yeah.

March 2, 2013 via text message:

LIZ: Happy Birthday to my beautiful mommy! There's Lordy lordy look whose 40, nifty fifty, but nothin for 60! I guess happy 60 hope you're still gettin some dixty. (bow chica wow wow). Anyway, you may be 60 but you'll always by 40 in my eyes! (Which makes me like 20 again, right?!) Happy Birthay and love yo.

LIZ: u!

ME: You are too funny and too sweet! Thank you and I love you.

October 16, 2013 via text message:

LIZ: Read the first lilne! This is Tay's version of "once upon a time" lol!

She sent a photo of Tay's paper and here is what she wrote:

"Owns a pond a time"

Apparently she writes this on every story she writes.  Way too cute.

Another text the same day:

LIZ: Not sure if I told u but another case...recently Lindsey was talking about Sean and "grandpa thetto"....we soon figured out she was saying "Grand Theft Auto"!  These kids.